This sounds like a stupid question, but even the best of us find ourselves dictating to our kids how to feel. One thing I have never appreciated as a child or now, as an adult, is other people telling me my feelings are wrong. They're FEELINGS! How can they be wrong? Come on girls, if you're feeling sad is it totally encouraging and wonderful to hear your husband or boyfriend or best friend say to you...."don't be sad! You shouldn't be sad. That's wrong...you're wrong because you should be happy!" Yeah right! Okay! Now I feel better! I was wrong! I should've been happy and now I am! Thank you very much!
It doesn't work like that for us and guess what, it doesn't work like that for our kids either. After countless arguments with my oldest child (age ten) about how his feelings are wrong, I have learned the following facts we must all accept:
* Different people have different feelings and no one is right or wrong--just different!
* Even if you are cold, your child might actually be hot--let him take off his jacket!
* Listen, listen, listen (with your mouth shut!)
* Have conversations with your kids about their feelings so you can learn where they are coming from...not so you can fix them (be careful).
Although kids needs direction and training from us, they need their own feelings and personalities. Work one day at a time on tuning in to your child and you will see a world of difference and a new respect for the little people!
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